November 27, 2011 by greenhouse04
Lots has happened since my last post. To our surprise, Eddie’s mom relinquished her rights nearly two weeks ago. We didn’t see this coming; in fact, we didn’t see the possibility of us adopting him coming for most of the past 13 months he’s lived with us. I’ve had complicated emotions regarding this – happy and excited, sad and grieved, even a little angry at times. Here’s something I wrote the day after his mom relinquished.
I HAVE A SADNESS
I have a sadness, a heaviness, in my spirit.
I should be elated, overjoyed, and excited.
But I’m not – I’m sad, grieved, and weary.
We are now free to adopt Eddie. He will not go back to his mother’s. She signed away her parental rights yesterday. He will have one last visit next week, one hour long, to say goodbye. He brought back his clothes and movies two days ago after his visit.
Every day he says at least once, “I miss my mom.”
Just this morning he said that to me before he got out of bed.
His eyes look sad.
They look like they’re trying to find something that has been lost.
How do you tell a child, “you won’t see your mom again for a very long time.” ?
This is what we were hoping for when we took him into our home 13 months ago.
This is what I thought would never happen.
This is what we, our friends, and our family have been praying for.
This is what, in the end, will be best for both Eddie and his mom.
But it is so sad.
Mothers should not be separated from their children, children should not be torn from their mothers. Families should stay together, live together, play, eat, love together. A child should know from whence he came, be able to trace his roots back, back, as far as he can, unbroken. He should be able to hear the story of his birth, his first word, his first step. He should hear and see that he has his mother’s nose, his father’s eyes, and his grandfather’s chin.
How do I give a child who has lost all this the home, roots, and sense of family that he needs? I can’t.
But God can.
Please, Father, who adopted me into Your family, please adopt this child as well. Give him a Daddy who will never forsake him, a name that will be his for eternity, a home that can never break. Only You can help him feel truly worthwhile, truly loved, truly accepted. You have made me feel that way, please help him.
And meanwhile, help me to love him like my own, accept him for who he is, give him a home where he belongs. Help me to love his mother, too, so that he can freely love and accept her for who she is. Give me such peace and security in You that I will be able to handle whatever struggles come in the years ahead and not run from them. Give me comfort so that I may comfort him.
Help us, Father. Only You can redeem the pain and brokenness of this fallen world. Redeem this. Do not let Satan use it in our lives. We are Your’s.