January 31, 2013 by greenhouse04
It’s been a rather sad January.
I was very sad after a doctor appointment, at which my doctor told me that “even if by some slight chance you did get pregnant, you would be at high risk for an ectopic pregnancy.” Kick a girl while she’s down, why don’t ya?
Then I was sad when I heard that a close relative was losing a baby. And sad again when an acquaintance from college lost her baby at nearly full-term. And sad when a long-time member of our community died. And sad now that another long-time member of our community may die soon.
I feel sad when I think about my mom who is so far from two of her grandchildren, and who hasn’t yet had the privilege of helping with a grandchild’s birth. I feel sad when I remember the two-and-a-half years I missed of my son’s life. I’m sad that I don’t have a baby picture of him.
And this is very trivial and superficial, but I was sad when the earl’s daughter died last Sunday night and I’m sad that so many characters died in the last Wheel of Time book.
And my January has been extremely frustrating at times.
For instance, when my daughter is screaming for an hour after being put to bed yet again because we refused her request for a third cup of water. Or when she runs away from me yet again just as I’m about to slip a shirt over her head. Or when she kicks and stiffens yet again as I’m trying to change her diaper. Or when she refuses to let me dash downstairs to do laundry yet again without her coming along.
Or when both children are trying to tell me something or demand something at the same time, interrupting my quick 2 minutes to read a page of an infernally long and involved book… ha ha (it’s no wonder my husband can remember so many more details from a book than I can!).
Feelings of sadness or frustration can surface several times throughout a day. But it seems like every day this month there have been moments of pure delight.
Like the other day when Emma put her arms around me and said “I lub you.” I said “I love you” back, so she said “I lub you” again, after which we said “I love you” to one another for a couple of minutes.
Or when I couldn’t find my teacup (filled with tea) anywhere, only to find it on Emma’s toy shelf. As I tried to pick it up she yelled “NO, MINE!” So, I got another teacup and we had an impromptu tea party at the table. Emma chattered away and I made appropriate comments while watching her delicately lift the cup to her lips and sip (or slurp) with great enthusiasm.
And like when Eddie swallowed some food and told me with all seriousness that the food is going down and now the grow will come up, and he will grow.
Or when I get home from grocery shopping with two kids and its lunchtime, and I walk in to a prepared lunch and clean kitchen and hubby waiting to help unload the van.
When Emma’s extremely sweet rendition of “Rock A Bye Baby” filled my parents’ cabin.
And when Eddie vacuumed around the bird cage perfectly without help and put the silverware away all by himself in the same day.
Like when Emma started singing “I Lub You” to God, complete with hand motions.
Or when she prays at every meal, screwing up her eyes and nose and using many vocal inflections, finishing with an enthusiastic AMEN!