August 15, 2013 by greenhouse04
The next few posts will have to do with my coming Roux-en-Y hepaticojejunostomy (major surgery). They will describe the different things I’m feeling, thinking and doing as I watch the surgery approach. (It’s scheduled for August 20th, by the way.)
We’ve all experienced it: life is settled, routine, peaceful. Responsibilities, relationships – everything has its place. There’s even time to grow in some area of interest, to expand, to thrive. Life is good.
Then… change. Life becomes unsettled, the routine is disrupted, chaos ensues. Nothing seems to have a place anymore; responsibilities, relationships – all are jumbled together and lost in the mess. Gone are the opportunities to grow, expand, thrive. Survival becomes all.
This common phenomenon is something I’ve only recently remarked upon. It’s happened to me over and over again during the past 12 years – new school, new city, new boyfriend, new husband, new country, new home, new ministry… there have been many, many times of change in my young-adult life. Change became the norm for me, and only now am I realizing how much I love an unchanging life.
For the past three-and-a-half years the change I’ve experienced has been mostly due to new children. First, two toddlers burst into our lives and caused extreme and overwhelming change. Then, once the dust had settled, a small boy by the name of Eddie (pseudonym) changed our lives once again. Shortly thereafter, a newborn named Emma (pseudonym) changed our lives in a profound way. I didn’t know it then, but our lives had been changed forever by these two children.
The dust settled once again, and our lives remained peaceful and marked by only minor changes for several months. Then, enter Mari – another change bringing upheaval and chaos.
As of the moment this is being written my life is characterized yet again by settledness and stability. We are not in the midst of change, and I’m loving it. Like I said before, it sometimes surprises me how much I enjoy an unchanging life. I know what to expect from each day; I can grow in areas of interest; I can pursue activities I enjoy; I can relax and enjoy my family and friends.
But the reality is, my life is always teetering on the cliff imminent change. Change will occur eventually – the only question is, when.
Unless something changes, I have another change coming up that will throw my life back into chaos and survival mode for a while. In a week I’m having major surgery. I’m trying to view this surgery (which will require a stay in the hospital of at least a week) as a vacation; a time to relax and let others dance to my attendance.
But I know it mostly won’t be fun (I’ve had major surgery before). My life’s settledness and routine will be completely disrupted; the tidy places where my responsibilities and relationships belong will become all messed-up; instead of growing and thriving, I’ll be healing and surviving.
But that’s ok. A time of settledness will come once again, followed again by a time of change… and on and on until the greatest of all changes occurs. And the time of never-ending peace.
So until that day, I’ll keep my life firmly fixed in the sheltering arms of the One who never changes, the One who has planned all my life’s changes, little or big.