September 9, 2013 by greenhouse04
We are celebrating our 5th anniversary of coming to —– as Pastor and wife!
Several memorable things have happened in the past 5 years. I would like to record five of the more hilarious memories.
1. The Successful Scheme to Scare the Pastor
The first memory occurred less than a year after moving to this town.
Mr. Green (my husband, the pastor) loves to scare people. He even scared two respectable church matrons who were alone in the church basement one afternoon! So during a church picnic one year two high-school girls and I concocted a brilliant scheme to scare him right back.
At the end of the picnic, after the sun had gone down, Mr. and I departed. We walked in the dark to our car, climbed in, and headed home down black country roads. I carefully steered the conversation toward safe areas, such as what his sermon would be about that Sunday.
Suddenly Mr. felt ice-cold hands grabbing him from behind! In his terror he barely kept from swerving off the road! The two high-schoolers and I rolled in laughter. Mr. had gotten a taste of his own medicine!
2. The Funeral Committee Leader’s Last Hurrah
Our church has a very efficient and experienced funeral committee. It consists solely of women and it’s job is to provide comfort to the bereaved family in the form of food after the funeral. Martha headed the committee for many years (at least I think she was the head – due to experience and strength of character most of the ladies deferred to her). But, as it comes to all, death also came to Martha. Her remains were cremated, and her daughters chose a fitting home for the ashes.
On the morning of the funeral an usher was handed a cake pan and asked to carry it inside the church. He carried it to the basement kitchen and handed it to the funeral committee ladies. They looked at it quizically – a 9×13 cake was not on that day’s luncheon menu! (They only deal in larger sizes) Suddenly they realized what was in the pan – Martha!! While her spirit was with God, her bodily remains had arrived in the church kitchen at one last funeral, her own!
3. The Wandering Toddler
These last three memories are at our kids’ and foster kid’s expense. My, but they give us some laughs!
A few months after we became foster parents to “Jake” (1) and “Ellie” (3). I was sitting in my customary spot during the Sunday Morning Service, listening solemnly to Mr.’s sermon, when suddenly I hear the main double doors swing open and shut behind me. I sneak a glance to see who is coming in so late, and see Ellie wandering down the center aisle carrying a basketball and gazing pleasantly at all the surprised congregants. Ten seconds later I’m clutching her hand tightly as the back door to the sanctuary shuts behind us, and I order her to put the basketball back and return to the nursery ASAP!
4. The Time My Daughter Flashed Everyone
I couldn’t think of a better title – that one says it all. Yes, at age 2 (this past summer, in fact) Emma stood at the top of the basement stairs during a church meeting, her panties around her ankles and her dress pulled up to her head. Sadly, the doors at the bottom of the stairs are made of glass, and the spectacle was in full view of anyone who happened to look up. I only noticed when the church treasurer, a respectable elderly gentleman and our town mailman, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Um, I think she needs help.” Gulp.
5. The Time My Son Fell Into the Decorative Fish Pond
It was bound to happen. At the home of the church picnic hosts was a fish pond full of huge goldfish, surrounded by rocks, and complete with a waterfall. Eddie was obsessed with climbing on the rocks and putting leaves or twigs at the top of the waterfall and watching them wash down to the pond. I figured we’d be lucky if he didn’t fall in.
Thankfully the inevitable happened right before I was planning to leave the picnic anyway. I hear a splash, look around, and see Eddie fighting for his footing in the pond while going under again and again. I do what any mother would do – I jump in, jeans and all, and fish him out. It was quite the entertainment for the entire church family who was gathered for the annual picnic!
There have been other funny or embarrassing instances, like the time Eddie leaned forward during church and his head made a loud clunk on the pew in front of us, or the time Emma threw a fit during the service because she didn’t want to ring the bells with the other kids, or when she walked into the sanctuary right before Sunday evening church and announced that she went poopy.
We’ve also had many times of shared sorrow and joy, opportunities to grow closer together.
We love you, —— Community Bible Church!!!