January 6, 2014 by greenhouse04
I go long stretches without remembering that my children are adopted. It seems so natural that they are my children, I forget they did not come from my body.
I also find myself at times not wanting to be reminded of the truth: the truth that they came from a different man and woman, that they don’t share my genes, that they are adopted.
Yes, it’s a beautiful truth, one written with the pen of God’s mercy. But still…
I still sometimes wish our family was like most families around us.
I still sometimes wish there weren’t four people out there who are missing their babies.
I still sometimes wish I could tell people that my son looks just like his grandpa, or my daughter has her daddy’s eyes.
I still sometimes wish there won’t be a day when my children have to grapple with the reality of their early loss.
I still sometimes wish I could go shopping without fearing I’ll see a birth parent.
I still sometimes wish I could tell my kids the story of what happened on their birth day.
There are so many things I sometimes wish could be different. I would never trade my beautiful children with a million biological kids, but I would trade the stories of their beginnings if I could.
I read an article in a Fostering magazine today that described the terrible grief a mother felt when she lost her kids, and I was forced to remember. It made me sad to know that my childrens’ birth parents felt terrible grief, too. I almost feel that it’s wrong for me to be so happy and fulfilled in being the mother of these children, when in order for me to gain them, some other mother had to lose them.
It’s good for me to remember this again, and to struggle with this again. This is the reality of the life God has given me. This is the reality of the lives of my children. Peace and contentment will only come through facing this life with eyes wide open, accepting it – pain, disappointment, mercy, beauty, and all.
I’ve felt these emotions and faced this struggle before, and I know I will again. I’ve even blogged about all this before. I need to re-read, re-hash, and re-write all of this every once in a while. Thanks for listening.
Here are some links to other blog posts of mine that talk about the realities of adoption: