Chronicles of a Foster Family: Paternity Test


April 16, 2014 by greenhouse04

A huge step in Baby M.’s case was finally accomplished yesterday. We’re finally going to find out who his father is – or isn’t.

We’ve had M. with us for over three months now, and no real progress has been made yet on his case. In other words, his parents haven’t been doing what they’re supposed to be doing, at least, not very quickly.

Actually, M.’s dad hasn’t done anything on his task list yet, other than hold down a job and remain drug-free (which are huge). He seems like a nice guy, and my impression is that he’ll make a good dad . . . if he really is the dad. He’s been waiting on the paternity test. We’ve all been waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

I talked to Baby M.’s dad on the phone the other day. He sent a note home with M.’s bag asking me to call him, and we ended up chatting for half an hour. I asked him why he’s waiting on the paternity test. M. looks just like him – is he really that uncertain that M. is his son?

What I learned is that he is very uncertain. I won’t go into details, but he has so much doubt, he’s waiting for the paternity test before he puts any money and effort into getting M. back.

I’m not sure what to think about his attitude. It smacks of selfishness and its been very frustrating to everyone involved. But it’s likely I’d do the same thing in his situation. Regardless, the fact remains that this paternity test could be a huge turning point in Baby M.’s case.

My gut tells me (and my gut’s been wrong) that if the dad IS the dad, he will get his tasks accomplished quickly and will eventually be reunified with Baby M. If he’s NOT the dad . . . well, let’s just say I have less confidence in the mom’s ability to do what needs to be done. And they’ll have to search for another father-candidate . . .

It’s pointless to hypothesize about all this until the paternity test results are known. I have no idea how long that will take, but I’m hoping we’ll know in another week or two! Until then, I’ll be going through the equivalent of a prolonged drum-roll at the end of a Paternity Court TV case.

I was praying last night about the results of this paternity test, and the question crossed my mind: how on earth do you pray about something that is already determined? We don’t know the outcome yet, but whatever it is, it’s already unchangeable. Who Baby M.’s father is isn’t being determined by this test – it was determined months ago when he was conceived. This test is merely revealing the truth. So how do you pray?

Then I remembered that God was in the details even at M.’s conception. God knows the days and paths of M.’s life, and that began when he was conceived. I pray very hard that his path will lead him to Christ, will be a safe and happy one. I even pray at times that his childhood days will be spent with us, as our adopted son. But regardless, God already knows. He’s already in Baby M.’s tomorrows. He already knows the outcome of this test. More than that, God ordained the outcome.

I’m just waiting to discover what God has ordained.



3 thoughts on “Chronicles of a Foster Family: Paternity Test

  1. Lori says:

    I have always told my boys that God knew them before they were knit in the womb, he knows every hair on their head, their first day, their last day and every day in between……so surely He knew who their mommy and daddy were to be. Larissa, I am amazed at you patience as you wait. I know it’s hard and you don’t always feel it, but it seems to me you always find yourself in the middle of the Lord.

    • greenhouse04 says:

      Thanks, Lori – yes, God has definitely used all these hard experiences to force me into the middle of Him. It’s amazing the peace and grace and strength He can give… and ALL the things He’s been teaching me about myself and about His love and sacrifice… I could go on and on. And I absolutely know that only God has given me the patience to do this. Your conviction as an adoptive mom is an inspiration to me!

  2. Instant Mama says:

    I struggle with how to pray in these situations. Mostly I pray for grace and wisdom on how to react to these things. Blessings as you wait…

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