Visit with Birth Mom


April 20, 2014 by greenhouse04

Eddie and his Mama J.

Eddie and his Mama J.

Today Eddie and his birth mom spent time together.

So far, we’ve allowed them to see each other every year around his birthday. “Allowed” seems so pretentious – after all, she was the one who gave him birth! But “allowed” is also accurate – the decision is ours’ to make as his parents.

We’ve developed a tradition already. First, we go to the zoo. Then, we eat lunch at Wendy’s.

She was waiting for us at the zoo, gifts in her hands. Her smile was huge when she saw Eddie.

Eddie, as usual, seemed oblivious to how momentous this meeting was to his birth mom. He dashed around, looking at the animals, eager to ride the train.

At Wendy’s he opened his gifts, then showed “Mama J.” his school books. I was proud at how well he displayed his kindergarten knowledge. He even read a page from “The Cat in the Hat” almost perfectly! (Then I was a little ashamed at how eager I was for him to showcase my teaching well…)

I sensed what I often do from his birth mom – anger, hopelessness, deep sadness. I don’t know what to say to break through to her embittered heart. I don’t think I could say anything – I’m the other woman who got her son, after all.

Lots more thoughts and emotions swirled around in my head today. Thoughts like, “I hope she doesn’t teach Eddie to be angry at life when he’s an adult” and “I hope Emma doesn’t feel left-out in all of this.” And other thoughts that have no answers other than to pray hard.

The one moment that was seared in my mind today had nothing to do at all with Eddie and his birth mom. It was when I was driving us all up Main Street to Wendy’s, and we passed three people walking with a dog… and two of them were Emma’s birth parents. Seeing the hardened yet so-familiar face of Emma’s birth mom for the first time in years made my insides lurch. Strange experience – to be driving with your son and daughter while your son’s birth mom sits in the back seat and your daughter’s birth mom walks outside.

On the way home Eddie revealed the state of his little heart after his meeting with Mama J. He said, “You know, this time when we said goodbye I didn’t even feel sad. I was just like, meh… I wasn’t even sad.”

I was sad.


2 thoughts on “Visit with Birth Mom

  1. I always tell birth mothers that there is a special bond between them & their child. It’s something that can’t be described, it can’t be broken or changed, it doesn’t depend on how often they see them. It just is. I believe it to be true. It gives them something that is just theirs. We get the gift of bringing these beautiful children up, I try to be as generous as I can be in acknowledging their important role, even when they are not & sometimes never will be the kind of person who can raise a child. It is sad. I’m sad for them & the whole horrible situation, even when that means I am the lucky one who gets to be there to love & raise their children.

    • greenhouse04 says:

      Thank you. Yes, that’s why I’m sad too – it just isn’t supposed to be this way! I like how you describe their bond. I’ll have to tell this to Danny’s bmom.

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