Chronicles of a Foster Family: Paternity Test Results

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May 3, 2014 by greenhouse04

[Drum-roll, please] The results are in. “Alleged Father of Baby M., you . . . .

[Commercial break]

. . . . ARE the dad.”

(Can you tell I’ve watched Paternity Court lately?)

You may recall that the last time I posted about our journey as Baby M.’s foster parents, I told about the paternity test that had finally been accomplished. It had been accomplished, but we were waiting for the results.

Now, over two weeks later, we finally got them.

Yes, he IS Baby M.’s dad. Starting next week, his visits will be changing. The case workers will be pushing for reintegration with him as soon as possible.

These are the facts. So, how do I feel about them?

Right at this moment I feel fine. I’ve been assuming all along that this would happen, so this wasn’t a big surprise. Somehow, I’ve been able to keep my perspective with this baby, to see him as a foster child – yes, I love him dearly, he’s cute, sweet, wonderful, but I’ve always known that he’s someone else’s son.

I feel fine about the father he’ll probably go to – the little I’ve seen, I’ve liked. He’s not perfect, but he has a job, a home, and a close-knit family.

I’m happy that we’ll be able to do more foster care in the future. If we’d kept Baby M, we probably would have stopped.

But I know that I won’t always feel fine. At times, I will hate the “transition stage” – the weeks and months that Baby M. will transition to a new home, going back and forth, getting his schedule messed-up, watching him become confused and stressed as he detaches from me and attaches to a new caregiver.

I will mourn for the time I won’t have with Baby M., for the exciting growth I won’t see, the birthdays we won’t celebrate.

I’ll have to explain to our kids that their baby is going away, forever.

Most of all, I’ll worry for Baby – how will he deal with being torn from the person he loves and trusts, who has cared for him since he was 5 days old? Will his new caregivers be responsive and attentive? Will he feel abandoned?

But, like I said, at this moment I feel ok. I’ll take this new stage one day at a time, relying on God’s grace for each new challenge.



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