April 16, 2015 by greenhouse04
Well, Toby is spending the night with his mom tonight! This isn’t his “first overnight” technically, since he lived with her for two months before entering foster care, but it is a big milestone in his progress toward reintegrating with her!
I can remember nearly one year ago when we dropped Baby M. off for his first overnight (“Saying Goodbye for First Overnight”), and how it was a very emotional event for me. I pretty much cried in front of his dad.
That was partly so difficult for me because until that point, we weren’t sure who his dad was, and we’d held on to a strong hope of adopting him someday. It was also hard because Baby M. had never spent more than a few hours away from me, and I worried that he’d miss me.
But Toby knows his mom pretty well. And I’m doing better this time at staying comfortably ignorant about the future.
So, to tell the truth, after I’d driven the long hour to his mom’s home, handed him to his mother’s waiting arms, told her to have a great time with him, and driven off again, I didn’t feel at all sad.
Honestly, I haven’t felt sad today. It seems rather odd to me that I’m not sad, and I’ve even tried to make myself feel a slight twinge of sorrow, but it doesn’t work. I’m glad for this – I’m going to enjoy my night of respite. And I’ll enjoy getting him back again.
However, I was sad on Monday when the social worker called and told me he’d be starting overnights this week. Then on Wednesday, she told me that starting next week he’d have two nights with his mom. It was unexpected, and is the quickest I’ve seen a case move. In fact, Toby could be back home with his mom within three months’ time.
Yes, I was sad on Monday. I cried a little. I felt that familiar rock of depression sink into my stomach, making my interactions with Toby a little heavy and hazy. But it only lasted a few hours. By Tuesday morning, the rock was gone, and I was able to care for Toby with the same light-heartedness as before.
Maybe I’m getting better at this foster thing. Maybe God is lavishing grace on me. Maybe my heart is in a place of insulated numbness. Maybe it’s all three. I think it is.
But anyway, the fact remains that Toby is gone right now. I hope he and his mommy have a wonderful time together. 🙂